New Life

I had tried ending my life.

And you might be asking: For what reason?

I thought I lost it all. I had not lived according to what I have dreamed my life should be. I am in a great mess.

I have become jobless. Dreamless. Passionless.

When I saw friends or acquaintances, I hid myself in shame.
I hated the greetings... the usual questions. The "Where have been? What are you up? How have you been doing?" You know... those types of questions.

BecauseI do not have a glamorous reply. I seem to always have the same answers.

My self - esteem had fallen below sea level.

But when I took my eyes off the situation and introspect myself as if I was another person doing the observation, I felt different.

Thank God I lost that job.

That job made me so anxious... made me so insecure. I hated my boss. I hated the work environment. There was no room for self-improvement. But I stuck with it... because I needed money. And what a teeny - weeny amount of money it had only been.

But still, I lost a job. And it hurts.

I allowed myself to grieve. Yes, I cried until it hurts no more.

Then I thank the Lord for it. I thank Him for the liberty... yes, the freedom.

It was the only way to awaken me from a deep sleep.

And now, I am so ready and eager to start a new chapter in my life. A life of my own.

I have a clearer vision now.

This time, I am better, smarter, happier.

And I am learning well.

I thank God I lost that job :).

It was a blessing in disguise after all.

Asking God For Help

"So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you." (1 Peter 5:6-7)

I think we sometimes miss the point of petitioning God. There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking God for things we need or even things we want. The important thing to keep in mind is that actually getting the thing we're asking for is the least important part of the whole process.

This seems counterintuitive. Why ask for something if you don't care if you get it? I'm not saying you should not care about the issue which is troubling you; I'm saying you should not be concerned with the exact outcome. We need to trust God to solve the problem His way.

Suppose you're having trouble making ends meet and you're not sure how you will pay this month's bills. You may ask God to send you some extra money. You may ask God to help you find a better paying job. In all likelihood, God is not going to do either of those things, though it's certainly possible. The point is that it really doesn't matter how God decides to solve the problem. By asking God for help, you have admitted that you need Him, and that is what really matters. How God decides to deal with the issue is immaterial, but rest assured He will intervene in the best way possible.

God does not want you to depend on a particular solution; he wants you to depend on Him.

Asking for God's help in all situations is a very important part of our relationship with Him. When you ask for God to help, you are indirectly saying that you trust him and that you need him. You are admitting your weakness and acknowledging His strength. You are submitting and surrendering to Him.

But what are we saying to God if we never ask for His help? We are saying we don't need him. We are sending the message that we have no need of His blessing or protection and we want to go it alone.

Another reason to ask for God's help is not to seek a specific outcome, but rather to receive his comfort, support and peace. God may not provide a direct resolution to every difficulty in our lives, but he will comfort us. When you seek God during times of trouble, large or small, you are saying, "God, be with me during this time. Let my thoughts be with you and let me feel your presence."

Fail to bring your cares to God, and you are not only saying, "I don't need you" but also, "I don't want you around right now. I'm busy dealing with this problem."

As is so often the case, Jesus provides us with the example.
Then Jesus brought them to an olive grove called Gethsemane, and he said, Sit here while I go on ahead to pray. He took Peter and Zebedee's two sons, James and John, and he began to be filled with anguish and deep distress. He told them, My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and watch with me. He went on a little farther and fell face down on the ground, praying, My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will, not mine. (Matthew 26:36-39)


Let's first take note of the fact that the night before his greatest trial and suffering, Jesus wants nothing more than to spend time with the Father. Though he must be weary and worn out as His disciples were, there is no greater priority for the Lord than to pray.

But what is perhaps more surprising is that Jesus is asking for something he knows he cannot have. When Jesus asks, "let this cup be taken from me", he is perfectly aware that it is the Father's will for him to proceed, so why even ask?

Jesus speaks these words not to seek a result, but simply to express his anguish and anxiety. Jesus is not asking for a reprieve, He is asking for comfort. Just as we must do, Jesus is asking His father to be with him, support Him and give Him the strength to endure what must be done.

This is the pattern our prayers must follow. Tell the Lord everything you need and share with Him every care and worry that is on your mind. Don't seek a resolution, but seek God instead and you will receive peace and comfort, along with God's best solution thrown in for free. It almost certainly won't be the solution you had in mind, and it may not be easy to endure, but it will be the right solution in the long run.

- Delve Into Jesus Devotional -

“ What's wrong with falling down?

Because as long as I

stand up again it'll

be just fine.”

- Aya Kito (1962 - 1988)

One Liter Of Tears

A NOTE TO GOD

When I was young, I used to ask you so many things... things that don't even matter. My mind was a blur. I didn't exactly know what I want.

I have wanted to become an educator, a psychologist, a facilitator, a writer. I have wanted to become so many things except becoming what I am right now.

For so many years I have delved into this great uncertainty, this prolonged sadness ... wanting the things I thought I should have. Wanting to be someone I thought I should be.

I am sorry for all the wasted years.
I am sorry for the fears, real or imagined, that have made me so limited and incapable.
I am sorry for having a heart that is easily offended.
I am sorry for this great "nothing-ness" that I have become.
I am sorry my Lord, I am so sorry.

I have asked you to change my heart. And you have.

Now I have decided to continue the pursuit of my profession. It took me so many years to actually like it... I am not yet loving it but I am learning... little by little. One step at a time.

Somehow I felt that I have truly lagged behind. When I look at my colleagues... my friends ... my former classmates... inferiority complex starts to creep in the deepest part of my heart. They all seem to have lived fascinating lives. And here I am ... just about to take my very first baby step.

It had taken me a lot of maturity, prayers, patience, humility and faith to be able to decide to do this. I was truly resistant at first... because I wanted other things. That is why I was living my life in circles and never in a straight line for the longest time. Always moving around but never reaching a destination.

I remember the Israelites wandering in the wilderness for 40 years. "Ivy, you are just very much like them... wandering for so many years... just turning around the bush over and over again."

I have become so old. Bitter. Frustrated. Angry. Defeated and beaten down.

I have no money... and no name.

But I have asked you to change my heart. And you have.

Lord, you are the God of the impossible. And you are still the same God to even failures like me. I have wandered for so long. But now I am ready. Ready to start again. Ready to start this new dream.

You have changed my heart. And now I am asking you for an opportunity.

People may not give it to me... I have neither money nor name. But I am not asking it from them. I am asking it from YOU... the God of the impossible.

Help me. Mold me. Use me. Forgive me.

Take away the fears in my heart. And replace it with boldness and courage.

Grant me an employment opportunity. Grant me great health and the grace to do my tasks even under pressure. Grant me quick judgment and efficiency in my job. Grant skills upon my hands and knowledge into my brain.

Help me love the medical profession.

Help me. Mold me. Use me. Forgive me.

I-V-Y

**** And God replied: "For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a good future." Jeremiah 29:11 ****